


Boy, what you do to me

by BladeAchilles



Category: Agents of Cracked, Arrested Development, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-15
Updated: 2013-07-15
Packaged: 2017-12-20 06:12:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/883876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BladeAchilles/pseuds/BladeAchilles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three mini-fics that I wrote, no real connection between them other than my massive love for these pairings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gob/Tony, Arrested Development-Stood Up and Freaking Out

Gob paced around the model home, sick of waiting for Tony-their date was supposed to start two hours ago, I mean, come on! He had even tried wandering around shouting “I WONDER where he might be", but no luck. Could he have been stood up? Who would stand up the guy in the seven thousand dollar pants?! He had thought that everything was going well with Tony, a fact that terrified him but also for some reason made him…..happy? Hungry? No, he was pretty sure that it was happy, but what did that mean? It was then that he noticed the tiny trail of glitter leading to one of the cabinets, and he gladly leaped on the chance to avoid his current train of thought.

Upon opening the cabinet doors, he saw Tony hunched inside, dead asleep. There was a faint line of drool leading into his goatee and he was snoring softly. Hah! Tony always said that Gob was the snorer, but now he had proof it wasn’t him! Tony was going to look preeetty foolish when Gob told him that he had lost the snoring bet. Gob's waved his hands in front of Tony's face, hoping to startle him awake, but Tony merely snuggled deeper into the cabinet as a dove poked it's head out of his pocket and made a break for freedom. Huh, he must have been really tired from his big show last night. Gob started to grin as he contemplated ways to wake the sleeping magician.

It turns out that the cabinet wasn’t built to handle the kind of activity that it got put to that night (a flaw that was standard for a Bluth house, sadly), but everything turned out okay in the end. (It was also the night that George Michael, looking through the attic for a copy of Twister, would forever refer to as the night he lost his innocence, but that’s a story for another time.)


	2. Coulson/Steve, The Avengers- A moment of weakness

Phil Coulson was far from the only person to have ever done something in a moment of panic that would be sorely regretted later.

Phil Coulson had recently suffered several blows to the head, an important factor that seemed to have been ignored in the discussion afterwards.

Phil Coulson had a folder of blackmail material on every member of the Avengers (two on Stark), something that was often forgotten.

Phil Coulson was, despite what certain people claimed, still a member of the human race and therefore not entirely immune to the rush of emotions and relief that followed a successful mission.

But, despite all of these facts, Phil Coulson was now only known as that guy, who upon being asked out on a date by Captain America in front of the whole team, breathed out a faint “Always” and fainted dead away.

Phil Coulson was also going to break the pinkie of the next person that brought this up to him.


	3. Dan/Michael, Agents of Cracked-I've got this burning inside me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure why this turned out kinda depressing, so sorry about that.

According to the chart Dan has carefully compiled and hidden away on his computer under the title of Tax Code History (originally it was named Scrimshaw Carving Tips, but Michael kept thinking that it was porn and reading it), every 2.3 weeks, Michael becomes convinced that Dan has been gripped with some new illness. Sometimes it’s AIDS, sometimes it’s Lupus, and sometimes it’s something absurd like Four-Eyes Heart Shriveling, but every time Daniel has to jump through hoops to prove his clean bill of health, otherwise Michael mixes up a “cure” that includes things like “virgin dog blood” and “a hair from a Troll’s wart” and Daniel really, really doesn’t want to find out what something like that would do to his somewhat fragile nerdy body. 

Here’s the thing though-he is sick. He is riddled to the core with this illness, and although over the years his immune system has fought to destroy the invader, he is doomed (there’s a Die Hard reference somewhere in there, he just can’t find it). And the worst thing about it all is this disease has won, and he loves it, he can feel himself being consumed and even if there was a cure, he would never in a million years take it. Because this disease is Michael.

After the whole thing with B-Tone and Cracked getting shut down and finding out the truth about Michael (and oh, yeah, Michael kissing him on the hot air balloon and Dan finding out that he had really, really wanted that to happen), the two had retreated back to Dan’s grain silo on the East Coast. But it turned out that a shadowy group of super beings determined to rid the world of the retarded demi-god that was Michael had already thought of hacking Cracked’s employee database and were waiting there for them. After a violent and confusing escape, Dan decided to take Michael and wander around the Mid-West, never staying in the same place for too long. Luckily, Michael refused to believe that the Mid-West actually existed (he thought that everything between the two coasts was a Canadian conspiracy), which gave him hope that the other demi-gods would never think to look there for him. And so far, it’s worked.

But that’s not actually what keeps Dan awake at night. It’s the fact that when they got a chance to ride horses in Montana, Dan was more thrilled at Michael’s wild grin than the free and noble beast he was riding (a thousand times better than his figurines, and if he wasn’t officially dead he would have gushed for months about it on his Yay for Neigh blog). It’s the knowledge that when Michael got them kicked out of Mount Rushmore (he thought that the giant Teddy Roosevelt was flirting with him, and what followed was a technically a Human Rights violation), the old Dan would have been ashamed and upset for months, but he couldn’t be upset after what Michael did to make it up that night. 

Late at night, when Dan falls back onto the damp sheets, sweaty and gasping and aching, he mumbles something about wishing Michael was more vanilla and how the live chicken and the jump rope was too much, they are never doing this again, he can feel Michael twisting and burning through every cell in his body, setting up shop and refusing to leave. It’s going to kill him, he knows, but he can’t bring himself to care anymore.


End file.
